I Got A Cyber Sex Change & All I Got Was This Blog

Greetings,
As we all know for my virtual world experience I underwent a cyber sex change and created a Sparrow Man avatar rather than a Fairy avatar. Questions have been raised in class and I would like to answer them.

• Why would somebody do this?
• Aren't they lying to themselves and other players?
• Do you feel confused about your real life identity, sex, & sexuality after doing this?
• Will this change your self- perception?

Question 1: I had a cyber sex change because I really wanted to see and live a life as a man. It is an opportunity I, unless I save up the large amount of money to undergo surgery and have the desire for surgery, will probably never have again. I have been questioning my sex for a while, especially after meeting and making transgendered friends, both of them being male. I saw myself being more of a man than a woman. This realization made a lot more things about me make sense. Back to the topic at hand....

Virtual worlds allow for identity experimentation of all kinds. Poor people being rich, overweight people being skinny, men being women, women being men, different careers and professions. I wanted to experiment with my sex, gender and sexuality, so I took the chance I was given and I'm taking a risk by admitting it this way. But after all this is for a New Media class, so let’s just go with it. Call me an abomination, unnatural, a freak, whatever you desire; I've probably heard it all before anyway.


Question 2: Do I think I am lying to myself? No. I don't know the truth about myself, so how can I lie to myself? To lie, you have to have a clear sense of the truth and the want to deny it for a personal gain. I know that biologically I am female. Denying that fact would bring me all kinds of hell and pain so there is no personal gain to be had. Mentally, I feel like a man. I've had so many of my female friends say to me in PUBLIC... "Melissa, you'd make the perfect boyfriend. I'd date you if I could." So this blurs my whole perception of myself. Mentally I am a guy, biologically girl.

Do I think I am lying to other players? No. Pixie Hollow does not allow personal questions to be asked ever. All text is game related and Pixie Hollow related. All text messages are set, nothing can be changed. There is no outside game interaction with other players. I can't lie about something they can't ask about.


Question 3: My experiment isn't over yet so I don't know yet what the ramifications will be to my actual identity, sex, and sexuality. I do know that my sexual identity confusion cannot get any worse than it was before I started my virtual life as a man. After this class, I may just keep my male avatar alive and continue to play as him.

Life as a virtual man has seemed easier and more relaxed, more natural. My sexuality is another story. In the real world, it has been up in the air lately. I have been "straight" and know that it does not work for me. Maybe it's one too many bad boyfriends or maybe its nature, you can decide for yourself.


Question 4: I am very, VERY much hoping that my cyber sex change changes my self- perception and identity. I am hoping that this virtual world experience will give me some sense of clarity and understanding about myself that I did not have before this class. I cannot answer this question until class is over.


Thank you for your time and effort to read this.